A Stranger's Reflection

2012-01-26 23:24

Sitting on the rooftop of a six storey building,
Kim leans forward and looks down on the people beneath
while they rush through the streets quietly but violently
While they rush through their lives like puppets
with his agony pulling the strings

He screams out loud that "people always leave"
and that they'd better believe
that when he the next time leans over the edge
He'll do it with the intent to fall forward
wondering why no-one even notices him

He couldn't figure out why
it's just a question that could never be answered
just like why he would force himself into the dance of life
when he knows he's just gonna end up dead
Just like the rest of us

Kim's memories haunt him every time he closes his eyes
but why?
The last time we ever met I asked him why,
he responded with a few long words that echoed through my mind for the rest of the night

He said,
"Girls play with your heart until the day you wake up and smell your sweat with a scent of the whiskey aftermath
and you look into the mirror and find a stranger on the other side
taunting you
until he ends his ode to your woe by telling you
that for the past... well, forever, you've been slowly killing off the best parts of yourself in an attempt to find a peaceful silence from the voices inside your head
You know the ones, the ones that tell you that she'll love you if you become a better person
and you just end up losing yourself in process"

And I guess I can relate to that
I have my ghosts too
Like when I often feel that deep chill down my spine
and I end up looking up to see vultures flying above
and they preach in the dead sky over dead streets
That we're all gonna die, some day, maybe even tonight

Like when I wake up and miss your feet against my ribs
and your fingertips against my skin
Like the shadow of your silhouette on my walls
I guess it's safe to say that I lost myself today
just like many days before

You started off being my saviour for an hour or two
or week after week until a year had passed
But now I'm in the solitary confinement within myself
and you're that voice inside my head
telling me that I deserve every second of this
That I deserve being trapped inside my empty shell of a body
a former person who became something so much smaller than human

You're the casket trapping my corpse,
the vultures smelling the stink and rot from my carcass
and the maggots that devour me
Every day, constantly
Just like with Kim, my memories come back to haunt me every time I close my eyes

Kim decided he couldn't take it anymore,
he sat down in the middle of the roof with his father's gun
and he pulled the trigger on anyone in sight
in isolation
And I'm still trapped in her, in the cradle of a since long dead kid
who took shit too seriously
And thought he knew everything
Sometimes I wish I were a serpent, so I could shed my skin
so people could see me for who I am
Lost in a dark place without a voice to shout with
Slowly dying
Just like everyone else.