Sick Society (Rant-Rap)

Very well explained the problems in our society, solutions yet to make a road, together with some idea are we able to eradicate is the question?

I very much agree with Saffie. This poem is really an honest one and brings out many issues that still aren't sorted out. I feel just every common man can understand your words here and though it was a bit too long, it was a worthy read! Brilliant piece!

Keep writing:)

Wow, I really enjoyed that, I have to say, not very many poems have this affect on me, in fact if I am honest, it very rarely happens. But this gave me goose bumps when I was reading it. I think you basically captured all the issues right now that seem to have no end, no mercy, and even the importance of them has seemed to die off and people go back to ignoring them.

Straight from the beginning, to mention children dying, well I just can't imagine someone not getting dragged in and connecting to that.

I like how you took into account simple things like drugs, and how this could lead to not only the "users" dying, but then the murders that can happen in the process of dealing, making, delivering etc. Which brings you to the gangs, and "brother killings" etc.

The 2 parts that got me the most was:

Baby girl crying
mother's veins frying,
turning tricks
for her next fix
hungry and cold
this baby never grew old.

- I just feel here that it highlights how sad it is for that child, who never really had a chance at life from the start. Often the children like this go on and suffer alone because the "neglect" is not seen as heavy "abuse" and so they slip further down the line of priority for the authorities. Such a shame but the quick way you worded this made it happen as fast as reality makes it.

The second part that touched me a lot was:

Old man dies alone
could not afford a phone
bashed about his head
as he slept in bed,
killed for a few bucks
newspaper said "It sucks".

- The thought that this man not only did not have a phone, but could not afford one, and then his life was taken just because he was the target of a robbery for some money. And I know this happens so often and appears in the news, but I think verse after verse in this poem it draws you in deeper and I found myself connecting to each of the victims in it. I suppose that is a sign that poetry has worked and the poet has done their job?

The whole poem is powerful, and in my opinion I managed to read the poem without stumbling at the rhyming words because they felt forced and out of place. It flowed smoothly through out and I think you done a good job on the rhyming part.

All in all, a good poem and surprise it does not have any comments :O There is just so much to say about it!

And I also can imagine how hard it must have been to start this poem and then try and finish it, perhaps part 2 would help? Anyway, I always find myself in the same situation with your poetry, in that commenting on it, I have to force myself to stop at some point!

so 5/5 for me, I think Eminem or someone who raps, or even sings, should come and take these and turn them into lyrics!