I Hate Endings

2014-01-27 06:25

She had strangers crawling in her skin
and no amount of self-reflection could kill the itching;
she had a belly full of demons
to kill her hunger while she starved herself

She felt that she had to fit in after all,
blend in, go unnoticed;
to be able to pass by the massive crowds of city-streets
without them seeing the devils inside her skull

Jokingly, she said "abandon all hope, ye who enter here"
the first time I took a step through the threshold
into the mind and heart of her bleeding soul,
warning me; telling me to close my eyes

What hid underneath my reflection in her eyes
was a constant disconnect;
indifference never-ending --
a perpetual state of longing for a life worth dying for

She laughed and had the saddest smile I'd ever seen,
blinding me with the sparkles of the diamonds on her lips;
I've seen plenty of smiles in my life
just never directed at me

She taught me that life is a fleeting moment
that passes by like the radiant summer
turning into winter, with that shroud of biting frost
killing our last chances to lay in the grass next to each other, just watching the stars

So instead of watching the stars, we created them:
we took our moments shared and packed them in a bag,
sent them off on a journey
so that they could explode alongside the fireworks our first new years eve

I guess that living with her by my side reminded me of Christmas used to be:
of how the adults stressed like madmen,
sinking themselves into economic despair
so that they could get to witness their children's radiant teeth

And just like Christmas
after the smiles were seen, the misery chained us
to the sour tastes of how reality feels
when it hits you like a wrecking ball to the gut;

When it tells you that for over a month afterwards
you'll have to go without food some days,
so that your children won't starve;
and that taste...

That taste, that iron taste from when you'd bite your lips
that's how your kisses used to taste
whenever we said our goodbyes;
that taste, the one that is so bittersweet

You always reminded me of how much I hate endings,
so much that I never watch the end of a movie,
or listen to the end of a song:

I hate endings so much
that I haven't said goodbye yet,
even though you've since long been gone.