Pulled Through

2014-02-10 21:37

When she entered my life

She guided me through
this tunnel of not caring about what day it is
with her illuminating smile

She felt my skin,
soft against her fingertips,
and for the first time I didn't fear an adult's touch

She erased the despise I held for my name
by carving a heart around it
on the tree where I showed her how it's spelled

She taught me that sharing a toothbrush
is a deeper form of love
than sharing a bed

She studied the scars on my back and wrists,
and when she saw the shame through my tense muscles
she told me that they're beautiful, and prove how I pulled through

She gave me the courage to trust again
for the first time in so long
that I'd forgotten how it felt

And when she was forced to leave me

She told me that it's okay to have hope and faith,
so convincingly that when she went away
I realized for the first time what despair really meant

She cleared up the confusion my christian upbringing caused
by showing me that life is too cruel
for our lives to have a guiding hand

She taught me the warmth
of a lover's breath against my neck,
and how no scarf is warm enough without it

She showed me that the name "painkillers"
of which I take some everyday for my diseased back
is all false advertising

She made me realize that
the sleeping pills I've been on for six years
knocks me unconscious, but never asleep

She showed me what being a soldier means
when she fought a war against the entire world
to protect me, even if it meant dying all alone, away from home

Life abandoning her showed me
that humans are too cruel, too evil
to be made in the image of any God

I'm slowly losing
the power to resist the suffocation

And the bullseyes on my wrist
prove that I still haven't pulled through