Comments : What lies within

  • 10 years ago

    by Hellon

    Hello...where the heck have you been hiding? I don't comment unless the member is signed in at the same time as me and...that can be a problem for anyone out with Australia but...here you are in my own country and...I've missed you thus far...anyway...nothing short of brilliant is this poem...it could do with a little more punctuation and...I really hate using it myself but..certain styles need it and this is one of them..I really love this poem and...will nominate it when the weekend freeze is lifted...I'm gonna be watching out for you now :)

    Actually...I still had a vote left so...nominating this...judges...this needs to be on the front page...

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Hi. I've been in Sydney...working, coming home...trying to sleep but have failed miserably at that lately haha. Thank you VERY much for commenting and nominating it - it's really unexpected! I've fixed some punctuation in there. I wrote it while half asleep. It was inspired by someone I met on here yesterday actually. She told me her story and it lead to this. I normally write songs but poems come around here and there :)

      Once again, thank you very much for giving this a read!

  • 10 years ago

    by Hellon

    This is going to be one of those poems that I will stalk on here...honestly I love it soooo much and...if I could give you extra points for spelling bare correctly (as opposed to bear which I find even published authors are using (Jodi Picoult for example) I would...a bear is an animal after all...anyway..I really do hope the judges have a good read at this one...

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you once again. I never thought of my writing as any good but you're starting to change my perception on this. It really means a lot! Hopefully I'll be inspired to write more someday

  • 10 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    This indeed deserves to be on the front page. Beautiful and will add to my favorite

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you very much :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    A deep and moving write. There is so much to grasp from this write and revel in its meaning. A well deserved win! Congrats :)

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks very much! :) Never expected it to win haha

  • 10 years ago

    by Postguied Parnell

    Spectacular.
    Much praise.
    I like it how it started in a cave, went to hell, and came to all of earth and humanity.

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you :) I love weaving either stories or conceit into the poems or songs I write. It's a habit I picked up from my English teacher back in high school. Thanks for the feedback, very kind.

  • 10 years ago

    by Sigoney Holder

    I'm glad this won Simply brilliant. I almost feel inferior commenting!

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you very much for the feedback. Nothing to feel inferior about! It was a fluke that I came up with this. Probably never write anything like it again haha :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Andrew Packard

    I liked it.

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you :)

  • 10 years ago

    by alka mendiratta

    Congrats!!!! Well deserved.

    "Do all but lose hope on this internal war
    This was only about the heart and what dwells within its wall"
    The change has to come within each soul
    To see this world a better place to live in

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you! :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Elegance is the first word that describes this piece, true Elegance!

    The flow and rhythm amazes me from start to finish, well written and powerfully explosive.

    The message of how the world is in a chaos of decay is felt throughout. The wording structure is divine!!

    Every sentence, every word is loved by me in this piece, but this one hit me the most-

    "Stick figures in cloth troll the streets all but bare"

    Society does look like stick figures in cloth... just love , love, love the wording and details of visuals in this poem!!

    Well written!!! and just Beautiful!!

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you kindly! Unlike some of my others, this one just flowed right out. The ones that come from the heart, are based on actual happenings or truths and hold a close connection with what I and others experience from day to day, are often the ones that have the most impact on others. I don't mean to sound conceited or anything, but it's true for a lot of writers on here and I'm sure they will attest to it too :)

      Thanks once again for giving my work a chance and a read! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    This piece is well worth its win. The style is wonderful and the word choice worked very well in this piece. Absolutely love this write :)

    • 9 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, I really appreciate that :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Angel Tears

    Wow.. This was just beautiful. There's nothing else I can think to say!

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      That is more than enough, thank you! :)

  • 8 years ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    WOW. Beautifully written. Excellent use of feelings and raw emotions. And I agree, sometimes the best things just flow out without even trying.

    Read a few pieces of your work and all are fabulous.

    Deeplydesturbedxx

    • 8 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you for taking the time to read my work - very much appreciated :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Aiko Hiraeth

    I LOVE long detailed poems like this. What it presents itself to my mind as is a "review", basically, in poem form, of the world itself. How the humans have made the world, the monster the world has made itself, yet a changing one that tries so hard to become better. It has so much pictures within the words.

    • 3 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks, glad you enjoyed it! :)