Comments : Strawberries and Red Wine

  • 10 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Now this has power good job :) 5\5

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This is sooo beautiful. Beautiful... Beautiful.. Beautiful!

    • 10 years ago

      by Kakera

      OMG thank you love!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Great piece

    • 10 years ago

      by Kakera

      Thank you!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Darren

    I like the sentiment in this, your words conjure powerful images.

    If this was my poem I would be uncomfortable with the one line that sticks out longer than the rest. line 8,

    I would be tempted to maybe make that a double line on its own and extend the line before such as;

    The scent of summer strawberries
    and the lingering aroma of red wine

    prevent me from ever washing
    the clothes you used to borrow

    but it's your poem so it is up to you.

    • 10 years ago

      by Kakera

      Thank you kindly!

      I definitely see where you're coming from, and I've been stuck on that part for some time myself, but I'm not sure how to solve it just yet. I do have some ideas in mind, though, but I dislike the idea of breaking it up into two double-lines, as I think that would break the structure.

      I'm thinking about it though, and I think a change is coming soon.

      Thanks again for reading, and for the feedback!

  • 10 years ago

    by Saerelune

    Strawberries and red wine! That's from the first poem i read by you, no? Very concise write, rather mature. Proves how much you've improved over the years. Your first and fourth couplets are my favourites.

    • 10 years ago

      by Kakera

      It is! In many ways, I wrote this while inspired by the poem you're talking about, since it was ages since I wrote the first one and my perspective on all of it has changed dramatically since then -- but that scent, the strawberry perfume she always used, mixed with the lingering atmosphere of mediocre red wine, and the memories from the countless nights we spent, buzzed on the wine and drunk on appreciation, will probably never leave me. The mixture of the two scents are as specific as they sound, and I'd have to spend months if I was to properly convey how I really experienced it.

      Thank you for reading and commenting as well, Cynnie!

  • 10 years ago

    by stacey pearce

    I love that when I read this I can image exactly what you write. Total genius short and sweet. Xox