Comments : Follow The Inconsistencies

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    There is so much about this poem that annoys me...Capitalising every sentence? Lack of punctuation (again) and yet..once again I'm draw enough to this poem to nominate it...you have a raw talent which I love...once again..I can only hope the judges will appreciate it!

    • 11 years ago

      by Maher

      Haha thanks again Hellon. It's why I called it follow the inconsistencies. The structure is broken and it sounds rushed while trying to get a point across as though delivering a message before death - inconsistent punctuation and form and the point seems to jump around a little. I can edit it if you like haha

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Congrats on the win Maher, this piece is epic.

    • 11 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks Darren, very much appreciated :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Maher,

    Truly a wonderful poem!!!

    Congratulations!!!

    • 11 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks very much haha :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    There is a lot to take from this inconsistencies. The message is clear as well. All in all a very vivid write. Congrats on the win.

    • 11 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Michael Cronin

    I was just talking about this subject this morning after watching the lame gov of Maine proposing more judges, cops, and prisons to help us with the problem, yeh right, You hit a home run with this one, very well written, I am a novice, but, for me it was a very good read.

    • 11 years ago

      by Maher

      Thanks very much Michael. Not only in Maine but everywhere. We're relatively laid back in Australia but there are instances of things escalating here also and it ain't the prettiest sight.

  • 11 years ago

    by Darren

    Judges comments

    There is a couple of mistakes in this that stops me giving 10 points and plumping for 7 instead.
    Byproduct should be by-product. Secondly and the one I learnt thanks to my spell check is 'withers' it is not the plural of wither. 'withers' is the gap between the should blades of a mammal. 'to wither' or simply 'wither' is the correct pluralisation. So line two makes no sense in the literal written sense even though it reads 'correctly'
    Why I liked this poem enough to give it 7 points despite it largely going under the radar on this site is;
    The title matches the layout of this piece. The punctuation is used here and there but not everywhere. (inconsistent) Every line is capitalised which word suggest that every line is a new paragraph. However the poem itself is a great example of story telling at its best.
    ('Doomed to be bland' is something I wished I had thought of myself)
    I love the rhyming feel, although again inconsistent and I am not sure that there is a rhyming scheme at all. Most of all I love the darkness and the message. This is almost a fantastic poem.
    (The final stanza is a perfect stand alone poem)

    • 11 years ago

      by Maher

      The lack of punctuation was intentional and I'm really glad you noticed that. The setting in my mind was a military man who was hurriedly trying to give his last words before going into a battle that he knew he wouldn't come back from. He was trying to spill as many points as possible which is why every line is capitalised - like life lessons from a dying man.

      Thanks once again, good sir! :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    What a powerful and creative write this is!! Just Brilliant!
    I rather enjoy the structure and flow of this poem. It has a uniqueness all on its own, which makes it stand out from the rest and that is one of many reasons why I chose this poem as my top choice.
    The message and word display was just incredible!
    The political and patriotic message, along with sadness tones and the ending of a life and the meaning of life all wrapped into one poem just left me speechless. Beautiful and powerful poem this week By Maher

    • 10 years ago

      by Maher

      Thank you for reading it! I really appreciate it. To know that what I write affects people, even in the slightest, is reward enough :)