The Hearbroken Heartkiller

I have read those texts a million times,
I have listened to all of those voicemails
I will understand why you aren't here,
Only after I cry these dreadful tears

I had lost a lot of valuables that day,
And I wonder if you did the same,
When you broke my heart, did yours also break ?
Does my pain make you be in pain ?

I have listened to every depressing song,
I have written every depressing poem
I will understand why this was done,
Only after I pick every broken piece up

I was quick to give all I had away,
And now I wonder if you would've done the same,
Would you've known I was messed up if I hadn't made mistakes ?
Does every breath I make have you ache ?

The quiet speaks to me in the dark,
I awakened to the beating of the burden in my chest
I will understand that this is meant to be,
Only after I realize that we were hurting me

I have told myself that I have to be brave,
And I wonder if you have to do the same,
Would you not have left if I begged you to stay ?
Was I so in control that you had felt chained ?

I didn't want to chance it,
I thought if we kept making memories,
That you would learn to love me
So I took it all for granted