Mount Hakone (senryu)

Larry has a true gift with the senryu form! I really admire his talent with expressing beauty in such a small form.
Many angles I can take with this piece. The child like excitement within the man's eyes, spotting the beauty of nature within the mist of the mountain and still the breathtaking beauty of the nature scene itself... Very powerful and well written Senryu by Larry

Old man still a child
rubs mist from a tram window -

^^This right here is so clear to see. No matter the age we all have a tendency to rub the mist

To me this opening is like the old man is walking down memory lane as he moves along side the tram viewing the snow capped mountain.

This write involves nature, human emotion as well as non living things which makes this a picture perfect Senryu. Congratulations on the win.

Congrats on the win Larry, enjoyed reading!

Thank you both for your insights. I put thought into whether this work fits better as haiku or senryu; I decided on the latter mainly because I was inside the man-made tram looking outward at nature and in turn was brought inward by the experience. As I rose up the peak I felt years falling away with the snow. Ironically, that very snow blocked the view of the mountain even as other things became clarified.

I agree with Lucero this poem is well written and there is a lot to be said. I think though there are nature elements you can focus on the emotions of the old man. That's what makes it a senryu not a haiku. The old man feels like a child again because of the happiness and excitment he feels. I really enjoyed how you took one "scene" and made it into three different viewpounts. You pinpoint the man, then the tram and window and the mountain. That is what short poetry should be all about. I really enjoyed the wording as well. It really does enhance the imagery. Very well done.