Comments : Deceptive Flashbacks

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I really enjoyed this poem because it leaves you really thinking. The first two stanzas I believe were a lost love that has disappeared. I really like the way you worded this because you question your own sanity. It seems like your love was in your life so fast and now they are just gone. The twist here is that the only way you knew they were in your life was the pain you felt. I liked the ending because it seems like there is nothing that can set you free. Beautiful.

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Nominated Miss Meme <3

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Nominated Miss Meme <3

    • 10 years ago

      by Meme

      Love you Miss Andrea <3

  • 10 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Well penned...beautiful lines. great piece. lovely poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Although I was looking
    I failed to see the roads
    that were once mapped
    along the lines of every
    engram in my mind...

    - I really like your opening here, showing just how much we see, and how much we think we see when really we are closing our eyes to it. The use of the word engram was really good and unique, and the use of maps also.

    .. I tried so hard but you
    were nowhere to be found.

    - this is really touching to have these lines alone, really emphasising on that pain of looking for someone but never feeling close enough to finding them.

    I stood there at the border
    line of insanity; wondering,
    were you figment of my
    imagination?

    - loving the idea of standing at the line of insanity, I think this implies how deep you were into this state of desperation to find them.
    I think you need to add "a" between you and fragment.

    You can't be an illusion,
    how could you when my
    heart kept me a prisoner;
    locked in a broken rhythm,
    you must be the reason for
    the missing heartbeats.

    - it is clear here that you are in battle between that sanity and insanity, of what was real and what was not, and how you rely on the memory of your emotions to prove that this person was real, and that the love was there once.

    Answer me!

    - This is a great example of the exclamation mark and how it should be used correctly. it really shows off your frustration and anger.

    What are you? A forgotten
    lover or a ghost that have
    possessed me..? Let me
    know before this silence
    starts suffocating me.

    have - has.
    = silence is really suffocating, you described that well. And I like how you conflict the idea of a lover, or a ghost. This really shows how hard a break up can be, and the mixed emotions you sometimes feel for someone else.

    A hint of your presence
    over the denial of your
    existence, only that would
    set me free.

    wow Meme, what and ending, bang!
    I don't know why but this ending just really gets to me. I think it shows the deep truth of that place when you really want to pretend someone never existed, but not because you do not love them, but because they have vanished, and seem to have forgotten you, and this hurts so much, that you want to convince yourself they do not, and never did exist. Yet, somehow, you still long for a trace of hope that they will show you they are still around. Still existing.

    I related to this and always enjoy your work.
    I adore your titles, and this one is no different, very powerful words put together, and you then explained this title throughout your poem and how deceptive our mind can be to us, and our heat and emotions too.

    Brilliant work.

    • 10 years ago

      by Meme

      As always Saffie, I adore your comments and how you take time to analyze each and every line. It shows how muxpch you understand my poems! And thanks for the corrections too :)

      xxx

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Meme captivated me with this heart breaking dark poem!
    Flashbacks to broken pain and emotions is a very dark feeling and she displays it with such beauty and elegance, that it's hard to not be drawn in.
    I love the expression of lost lover or ghost: Ties in rather nicely and it gives the reader a chance to go further in the feelings of the author. Dark poetry is a step further in the realm of sadness and Meme has accomplished that with this powerful poem!

  • 9 years ago

    by CuteThingsGoneWrong

    I very much enjoyed reading this from you Girl <3
    I got a strange hint of a lover who couldnt move on but as i read more it seemed like the outside force was acting more then she was so she couldnt tell just what was keeping her still.

    Ive been here before and i love how you demanded an answer.
    The anger(might not be anger, to me it feels like a stern standing of the persons ground. Might be in a childish manner but i am unsure) seeps through this with that line then back to despair. I love your work and I miss you writing.

    I like how you started it. How you cant remember the lines that were mapped, the places youve been before. Its all new again and the way you ended was awesome also.

    I miss you <3

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      I miss you more!

  • 9 years ago

    by CuteThingsGoneWrong

    Ohh the lies you believe :3