Life of self harm

All those times I took razors apart just to slice myself one last time it was never one last time even though I would tell myself this is it the addiction took over my life it made me feel like me like i was In control for once, every time I would go deeper and deeper the sensation the sting even the adrenalin pumping through my body then the blood would appear it would bring relief it took me to a place where I would escape for hours at a time where all I felt was numbness and all I could hear was my heartbeat it was my secret no one knew It made me feel like I could face the day it made me sane no one understood what it was like I just wanted to feel numb I didn't want to let anyone in I thought the smile was enough to let everyone know I was good but deep down I was facing a world of pain all on my own but self harm would get me through it would take me to a place that no body else could go it still does now, it makes me feel safe like no one can hurt me I can only hurt myself, just when I thought I was good the urge came back and took over me I couldn't resist I took the razor apart and sliced along my wrist the feeling came back i was finally in control again.