by Beautiful Soul
I actually really like the message of the poem. But again your rhyming does not seem to flow well. You used all different rhyming styles when you should just stick to one. As in abcb oe aabb or abac. But just use itconsistantly through out the whole poem. That way the reader can easily imagine what you are ttrying to say. It's also okay to have poems without puncuation, if it flows smoothly. It's all about flow just remember that. Now for the poem itself I liked the wording you used it's simple and you used simplicity to get your point across. I believe this person is in a lull in their lifeand nothing ever seems right. There seems to be depression as well. Anyway, iit's really okay to be alone but hard to be lonely. My suggestion is to watch your flow and rhyming otherwise good poem. |
by Smaccams
Great poem! Though similar to what Beautiful Soul had said; it would be better to revise the rhyming and rhyme scheme on this one, or watch out for that in the next one you write. The pace and how a poem flows really can make a difference between a confusing idea and a wonderfully spoken one! (: |
by redxiii
My view on the poem are it's really short with few words said. But it gets the point across. Which I believe is the point. So I'm gonna say good job and keep writing. The longer you write the easier the flow comes. Although I don't have the best flow so why judge yours. |