Hunting

Ha, yes...iron in blood causes the metallic taste. Great job Narph. :)

Ah! I had an aha moment. XD

When the tree fell,
the forest didn't cry out
or taste the metallic earth
seeping by the roots.

--- Blood taste metallic, right? I don't know why I didn't think of that. Never mind what I said in the other interpretations.

"so you are interpreting separate from whatever the narration gives you."

Before you start reading, I like ramblings XD I do that all the time. This comment may be a rambling as well and perhaps I repeated a lot of what I said but I hope that it may be of help.

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"To be fair, though, your interpretation of metallic earth as the bullet is your own invention of my words-- so you are interpreting separate from whatever the narration gives you."

ha! yes, though that was after I paid attention to the pauses and how I continued dragging "Earth" to the second line.

In my first three reads, I read and I read that line "earth seeping by the roots" but I continued seeing a tree falling and the earth sinking down to where the roots used to be. Sort of like the earth was filling the spaces where the roots used to be. In other words, I continued reading, but that was it. It didn't caused any other effect on me, other than just go with what you were saying or to what I thought you were saying with the narrative which made me wonder, why it was creating that effect on me. I arrived to the conclusion that I was enchanted by the peculiar beat that it has, and thus subconsciously I was trying to figure out what it was causing it, rather than to pay attention to the content of the poem.

So after realizing that about the second line, I was "force" ( for a lack of a better word) or I snapped out of the enchantment to pay attention to your words, and hence come up with my own thoughts and not just remain with what I believe you were saying. ( I'm just that weird when something grabs my curiosity, I can't stop until I figure out why it did that. Sadly - by doing that, it often deviates my attention towards what it shouldn't go to.) So in that sense, it wasn't exactly your poem, it was my curiosity. Though I learnt something new. Chances are this can happen to other readers ( who may be like me).

Though based on your reply to what you were trying to achieve with this poem, I'm left confused. XD

Let me see if I can explain myself.

But first I think is important for me to explain my first interpretation and then my second interpretation based on what you told me... that way it may be easier for you to identify whether the problem is on how your poem is written or if the problem is me ( the reader) and how I am reading it.

My first interpretation when I was reading the poem ( when I didn't pay attention to the content of the poem rather to the beat and where I just went with what I believe you were narrating rather than have any other thought of my own) was that you were saying that the tree fell but the forest didn't have any reaction to it, sort of like the forest was unaffected by it. That the tree fell but not because of the bullet. That the forest only heard the bullet but it still was unaffected by it. The line "the thickness massing by the ferns" I have no idea of how to interpret that line. I just liked how it sounded when I read it. XD

To make it easier to understand me here is my first interpretation line by line:

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FIRST interpretation while being under "the enchantment":

When the tree fell,
the forest didn't cry out
or taste the metallic

__ With this three lines, I thought you were saying that the forest was unaffected when the tree fell, It didn't cry out... it didn't taste the metallic.... ( I have no idea what the metallic meant, I just like the beat and your confident tone in this lines )

earth seeping by the roots

-- With this line, I didn't make any stop after metallic. I just went ahead and read it "or taste the metallic earth seeping by the roots." I had no idea what it meant but I like how it sounded.

nor later did the forest quake,
though it certainly heard
the bullet screaming
through the air

--- With this lines, it kept re-affirming that the forest was unaffected, though it did heard the bullet.

the thickness massing
by the ferns.

--- but that it also heard the "thickness massing by the ferns." I had no idea what that line meant, again I just liked how it sounded. XD

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SECOND interpretation after snapping out of the enchantment:

" When the tree fell,
the forest didn't cry out
or taste the metallic"

--- I thought you were saying that the forest was unaffected when the tree fell, it didn't even taste the metallic....
( the metallic - I immediately thought metallic was in reference to a bullet because of the title of the poem "hunting" and the bullets are metallic so my brain made that connection, specially since I can't think of anything else being metallic in the forest, however, I don't link it to blood per se.). I also thought of "taste" being as a metaphor rather than literal. Like the forest wasn't inflicted with the bullet.

" earth seeping by the roots."

--- The earth was "seeping" through the uprooted tree roots and spreading through the holes that the roots left on the ground. At this point, I thought the tree fell with the roots. Kind of like the tree was uprooted. I had noticed before how when I pull weeds from my garden, I pulled them with the roots and depending on how the soil is either soft or hard then the earth - after pulling the weed, may start seeping through the roots and spreading to the soil as if trying to fill in the holes where the roots where.

So at this point, I noticed that I continued dragging "earth" after "metallic" and it wasn't making sense to me but I like how it sounded. The flow was good. However, it didn't make sense.

And even after dragging "earth" after "metallic," the flow becomes good, but I'm concern about the interpretation. I thought I mentioned this in my first comment, but it seems I only thought about it rather than write it down.

So I believe there could be another way to re-write it. Or may be I'm interpreting this lines different to what you meant?

Though, I haven't seen a fallen tree in the forest. Perhaps, that could have an impact on how I am interpreting this?

"nor later did the forest quake,
though it certainly heard
the bullet screaming
through the air"

--- With this lines, it kept re-affirming that the forest was unaffected, though it did heard the bullet. This was the same interpretation as my first one.

the thickness massing
by the ferns.

--- but that it also heard the "thickness massing by the ferns." I still don't understand this one. I'm just wondering the "thickness" of what? What was massing by the ferns?

The thickness of blood massing
by the ferns?

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So in my opinion, What I thought you meant to do was to show that a tree fell, the earth was seeping through its roots, and the forest didn't cry out ( was unaffected, or kept the pain to itself) nor did it taste the earth that the tree did, to later while the tree was there lying on the ground with its roots not planted on the soil, heard the bullet. So pretty much, you wanted to show separate scenes?

One scene, the tree falls.

Second scene, the fallen tree and the forest hear the bullet.

And the forest didn't do anything nor when the tree fell neither when it heard the bullet.

One this could be taken as some type of metaphor or analogy... where the forest could be a city... and the fallen tree could be someone who is ill, who cannot walk, nor speak, etc... and hears a bullet in the neighbourhood. The city doesn't do anything to help whoever was ill, nor does anything when it hears the bullet nor when it sees the blood in the crime scene.

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Hmmm.. May be this comment may be of help? I do think this poem has room for improvement, I also wish someone else could jump in and give their interpretation as I know I can be bias by my own thoughts and sometimes it helps to see what others think.

By the way, thanks for participating in that contest with the Photographer click click and click and click, good piece.

I realized that some of your poems, leave no room for a longer comment. I also realized that I just went with what you narrated, rather than have a thought of my own. I'm not sure why or if what I just said is compliment or not.

I find that effect to be strange. Perhaps, I have to read the poems several times even more than what I have read them? Though, what I did noticed is that at the first three reads, I don't see nor feel a hole in your poems ( At least not in the ones I've read). They are smooth. They feel complete. The transition from word to word seems to be well done, and also you have some beat. A peculiar beat that I enjoy. Specially, in this poem and the "tuna tuna" one.

In this one, "Hunting" you are rhyming in some parts so that could create that beat. But actually, it sounds like you are using meter. You started with anapest, and ended with anapest but it's not used throughout the poem. Oh well, you probably didn't meant to use meter. However, I seriously like that beat. Perhaps, that's why I can't seem to have any thought of my own in regards to the poem because I'm just focusing on the beat?

I just read this piece again, hmm I stumbled upon this line:

or taste the metallic

-- One problem that I just realized is that when I read the first two lines:

When the tree fell, <-- I made a stop.
the forest didn't cry out <-- I made a stop.
or taste the metallic <-- I made a stop but I felt an urge to say metallic earth.

Is that line supposed to be just metallic? and "metallic" is it supposed to work as a noun rather than an adjective? or is it connected to "earth"?

For instance, I believe I stumbled upon that line because at first read I thought "metallic" was working as an adjective so I felt the need to read earth ( noun ) right away like this:

or taste the metallic earth
seeping by the roots.

"the metallic earth" being the Bullet. Though I feel that you are referring to "the metallic" as being just the bullet and subsequently, by saying " earth seeping" you are describing what is happening to the earth when the tree fell.

However, if I assume that "metallic" and "earth" are both working as nouns, then to me when I read the poem again, it feels like the flow is disturbed.

Specially because you started guiding the reader to make some smalls stops, so if they continue that pattern, they might stumble upon "metallic" then make a small stop then continue reading the next line "earth seeping by the roots" Which it can cause the flow to be a little off. ( that's just my opinion) because that line comes off as if its standing on its own as if it's not fully connected. I hope I made sense.

All in all, I like the poem. It's interesting.