Is This You

I don't think that people understand the seriousness of real depression
The random mental breakdowns you have
The panic attacks you can't control
The anti depressants, the mood stabilizers that keep you sane
Bipolar disorder
Used to be known as manic depression
No cure, people say it's a state of mind
Talking about it can fix everything
Medications can fix everything
You break down crying for no reason and a couple minutes later you're as happy as you'll ever be
Oppositional Defiance Disorder
Commonly found in teenagers
Always feeling the need to not follow rules, having extreme impulses constantly taking over your life
Borderline Personality Disorder
Nobody even truly understands it
A person, a chemistry experiment, doctors taking you off and putting you back on medications
Blood tests after blood tests
Needles become your friend
Jeudon, Lamictal, Depakote, Lithium, Respiradal, Lexapro, Prozac, Seraquel, Zoloft
20, 100, 300, 400, 500, 750 millagrams. When will it all stop
When will a person with all these disorders be tamed
Major depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, bpd, odd
Doctors telling you that you have all these problems and the only way you can be a normal person is if your on pills on your life
But pills don't always work
When neighbors wonder why there's an ambulance outside of you house
Why the police cars come and everyone is rushing into the house
Why you come out with gauze on your arms
Falling asleep
Hoping that you'll be asleep forever
Fooling people that thought you were happy
Being put into hospitals, 2 mental facilities in one month.
Drinking charcoal, parents hoping that you'll spit up all the pills you just swallowed.
Doctors frantically trying to save your life
Seeing how many people care for you, but you don't care
You push them away
You choke down your vomit
And hope the meds stay inside of you slowly eating away your organs
People see you smiling
People think you're okay
And when you get back to school,
You hear the rumors going around about you
Bringing you back to square one
You've been cutting for 7 years now, when is it enough
Ripping your skin off your arms with you nails
In a hospital, just to show that people can't control you
Part of having ODD
People yelling at you, frustrated, asking you why you are acting this way
And you can't answer them
You find out news
And you break down crying
They think you're going to cut
So they put you on suicide watch
When you think you're getting better
Don't say anything because you know you're going to jinks yourself
You get told that you can get better
But you are so frustrated with yourself that you give up
You keep trying to fall asleep to never wake up
You wonder why people will never let you leave
You lose trust from everyone that loves you.
Everything in your life comes crashing down on you
But people have it worse than you
You're told that you're selfish and that you're a coward
The people that love you tell you that and soon you feel like nobody in the world loves you
Nobody in the world loves you
You're alone in this world
You can't be helped
That's the lies you've been fed your whole life.
But who knows, maybe those lies aren't lies after all
You think were a mistake from the beginning
Parents 15 when they had you
A screw up from irresponsible people
Feeling abandoned all your life
Put up for adoption because you think you're unloved
These lies you've been told
You think aren't lies at all
You hide your feelings
Behind your beautiful smile
Because when people find out about you
You're now the school's freak
Or the one asking for attention
Nobody can help you but yourself
Maybe this is you