by Theresa Ford
First of all for anyone who has battled depression your choice of words have nailed it, and they will get it. The fact that it does not seem labored or forced speaks well to your skill also. If I might just make a suggestion or two 1. since you are rhyming your away/stays is a little off for the flow. 2. Unless you are on purpose attempting to make a connection to the Great Depression I would drop the capitals, I think it draws away from your message other than than Good Job I really enjoyed. |
by LoneWolf
Ok I fixed the capitalization problem but I think I'll leave the rest |
by Trinity Heart
This is a couplet my dear and a very nice one too the tone is beautiful and filled with a fighting voice also love the way it flows good job |
This is very well written and I can really feel where you are coming from |
by Dragon Boy
Nicely Written! |
by Everlasting
I see, you are great rhymer. That was well done. As far as the content. I think and I think and I think that I think, but I think that I'm not thinking when I'm actually thinking that I think. How else could I think when I think not that I think? would I then be thinking? Or would I not be thinking that I think? That's the problem with my thinking, I think that I don't think when I think, but in reality I think and I think and I think about what I think until I start feeling that I do not think. It's pretty sad. As I think, I do not think, I think. |
by LoneWolf
Have you any word of anything I might be able to improve on? |