Strings

I love the tone of this poem. its simple, very very simple.. Almost like the person speaking is still numb from everything that happened. Your telling stories from the past that you feel emotionless too and I guess thats what makes this beautiful.

Judging comment:

I have heard others say how sometimes lists within a poem seem to be irrelevant or simply ramblings, yet there was such character in this piece that connects well with the growth of the author. I felt like this was the point where the author could free herself of those hidden thoughts, because she is moving to a new place in this love, a place where these little things matter perhaps. Where honesty, even in small things, is welcome and is okay. Throughout this piece, I felt understanding and a relief even, that this author had come to terms with her past, her insecurities, her reasons for life and love, and is just starting to voice them. There's almost a gentleness in admitting this. That she may never fully explain why, but she's saying this is how she felt, this is what she wants to do now, be with her love. Almost move to a new part of life where she can overcome the past and whatever caused her to feel lonely or unsure. (7)

This style of writing is quite unique to me, I've never came across it on here - it's intruiging, a list-style based poem it seems contemporary and definitely works here. It's extremely well-penned, and I absolutely loved reading this poem. The thoughts seemed rambled (atleast to the reader) and seems to have a perennial purpose for the author.

"I ride the bus to class so I never feel lonely."

Personally, I've always found bus rides lonely - it's a subtle metaphor of life - the bus representing life, and the passengers are all on their merry journey getting off here and there, small-talk but in the long run, everyone's on the 'bus' for themselve.

"I slept on the floor in winter because he refused to keep me warm. "

I chuckled at this - it's romantic and cute that you're that stubborn.

"You are a bear without a cage and
I want to burrow with you. "

I absolutely love this, it's a perfect ending and extremely romantic.

I loved all the verses, but those were just some of my favourites because they stood out.

I really don't know how much honesty is in the work but I love how honest this piece feels and yet is still so creatively penned with precision, imagery, and literary materials such as metaphor and meter without actually setting meter (sorry if that does not make much sense.) There's a lot that could be said about the technique of this piece, the word choice was out of the park and spot on. The flow and feel were both hand in hand with an amazing voice and story.

This is wonderfully written.

Great piece.

I look forward to finding more of your works.

This poem is very thought provoking and well written. The imagery is stunning and the tone is flowy and keeping a short poem with a * punch you in the heart* message is hard. I think a lot of people have different story in life and this seems to be about your "whole" life so far. The riding the bus to class could be referring to high school or college. And I agree with saffie the sunglasses line is my favorite because your father is the main *enemy* so to speak. The one you write about and although you are the main character, your father is where your feelings come from.

I honestly don't think this is a list per se, though it is very personal for you and only you, a lot of people can understand what you are going through. Which is unique to me. I do like the free flow of the poem though. Each line seems to hold a different meaning and in their own could be or create a new poem :). Omg... that ending though that's what got to me most. At the start of it you feel this sadness or depressed. And at the end you get this "warm" feeling because by that time you wanted to cling to anything that makes you happy. Anyways. I nominated this. I really hope you win!