Comments : The Tire Swing

  • 10 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I love this. I love the images this provokes, and the way you worded it perfectly. I always think 'cotton candy clouds' is cliche but it works so well in this one...
    As always, love xxx

  • 10 years ago

    by Kakera

    Another amazing poem Andrea!! Simply amazing, loved it!

  • 10 years ago

    by Sourav

    Nice... very nice use of words and very well depicted. Love the intensity of this poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Restless am I, wee child within
    spinning in spirals of internal rotation,
    butterflies tango in depths of hunger
    battling urges of nausea's beast.

    - straight away I could feel myself imagining the butterfly feeling in my stomach. How intense that feeling is, it is a mixture of excitement, anxiety, fear, nausea, and all sorts of other things. It is a truly weird sensation, that seems to happen for different situations. I imagine this one to be the case of being on a tire swing. Although metaphorically, this is how it feels in stages of our lives when we feel overwhelmed by the things around us. I think you need a comma after hunger in your second last line.

    Tree limbs become giants, with
    skeletal arms, tickling a nose
    kissed by a whisper of spring's
    belated visit.

    - I imagine this scene to be described from the person's eyes as they are hanging upside down. When we are on the tire swing, we have a habit of leaning back and tilting our heads upside down. This is what gives me the imagery of the tree above you, and how the branches seem bigger, and everything has a different appearance. I like the mention of Spring being belated, it just adds in a little bit of how the weather has been, and how it is finally arriving into spring.

    Dizziness courts my feverish crush
    with a lazy bed of earth born daffodils,
    grassy fields blanket pale skin,
    losing sanity within cotton candy
    clouds....

    - I got the memories here of when we used to spin around on the swing, until we were too dizzy to walk straight, at which point we would jump off the swing into a pile of gathered leaves or grass, or in this case, a bed of flowers lol. Again, I see it as being upside down, and you can gaze up at those clouds.

    This was quite an interesting poem, in one way it simply describes the intensity of those feelings in your body when you go on a tire swing, but another way also describes some of the feelings when we become too over tired, lack of sleep and rest can cause these same feelings too, in which case I find your title very clever.

    Enjoyed this. x