Crushed Ribbon

He played upon tree limbs
while I weaved dandelions in my hair,
it was an afternoon when I designed
daydreams in silence, watching
a crushed velvet ribbon blow away
during a stormy day in May.

- I think you should have a full stop after your second line, and then begin " it was an" as a new sentence, and a new image.
It doesn't flow quite smooth together, as it would with them being separated into two.
A nice opening imagery though, showing a relationship between two people, and even though the weather stormy, the two people seem to have found a way to enjoy the afternoon together all the same. But for some reason, there is a tone of sadness, regret perhaps, seeming to stem from the idea of the ribbon blowing away, or maybe because it seems to have been crushed.

I got lost with cliches and afterthoughts,
only to bury the memory along with the
feelings of being left behind, alone on the
old cyan brick that was stinging my toes.

- I like how you bring the idea of this imagery being a memory here, something that has came up in your mind, and yet something you find yourself hiding from, and burying away. You describe that it brings up too much painful emotion for you, like it takes you to a place you do not want to revisit, and so you push the memory away.

That was a time when people didn't
know the real me and it was
only natural that I let that ribbon fly
away-

- I love how honest this is - how you know that you never let people in tot he truth, to the real you and the whole you, emotions and feelings as well. It is another way of showing how you pretend with one face, for everyone else's sake. And then when you are alone, you can have your own face on without hiding anything.

but I remember, smile in silence,
that ribbon was beautiful and so was I.

- This ending was beautiful, and yet sorrowful. to hold onto this memory of this ribbon being beautiful, but to compare it to your own beauty. It is like you imagined what that ribbon was like before it got crushed, why it got crushed, who crushed it. And this relates to yourself, and how you connect with feeling crushed yourself, by life most probably.

this thought alone is what makes the poem so deep, the many avenues this thought can take the reader down is very wide. Everyone has felt crushed, and I am sure this poem will take readers tot hat place, and make them relate to this.

I also think this poem shows how a simple thing, can trigger us into connecting it with an emotion or memory that we feel, think of. how it holds more significance for one person, to perhaps a person passing by. The same way people will read this poem and think of a simple ribbon, and not the connection that the author feels with it.... but you know better than to try and sneak a metaphor past me, and hide behind it. ;)

Beautiful little poem Maple. xx

On my goodness Andrea, I love this so much. That ending...just....speechless. You are beautiful as is this poem. It flows so perfectly, just...wow
Xxxx