Today may be the day. To reach out.
To talk. To open my heart up. To trust.
To forgive. To cry. To heal.
I'm sure I'll be terrified at first, actually giving
voice to what I'm doing, but I need to.
I'm sure my stomach will be a raging storm
and my arms will shake and my teeth chatter,
but it's my heart knocking for a place to call
home.
Fear has such an undignified hold on me,
yet I can overcome it.
I do not have to be created by it, but instead,
use its hands to raise myself over the horizon
I've isolated myself from.
Today may be the day, and it may not,
but it is not in my timing, only God's.
Soon the time will come.
It will be soon when I can be at ease,
when I won't have to roll over in a sweat
in the middle of my bed,
when I don't have to succumb to thoughts
of how to stay hidden.
And although it will be one person that
I seek help from, I will learn how love
passes in acceptance, and how it's a fable
that people must conquer darkness on their
own.
-
First half of this was just a freewrite in my journal on 4/23/14. I was actually at my church in the evening and while it was peaceful, I reflected. The rest I wrote today, 4/26/14 @ 5:10 PM
