by Kyle Jun 6, 2014
category :
Love, romance /
desired love
As I wait for your sweet embrace, the sun rises high in the sky and falls beyond the horizon. |
by LoneWolf
Now my first suggestion having to do with the first paragraph would be to change the commas in "Seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours... ETC." to semicolons or to add conjunctive fragments to it (E. and then minutes turn to hours). The second thing would be to add a comma after "Embrace" in the first paragraph, and to add another comment after "Important" in the next paragraph because of the conjunctions that are already inserted. |