I've pushed it off since it happened, the night I finally tried,
Don't want to see those I hurt or come to terms that I almost died,
I usually try to deny, and push everyone away,
But this is something that will follow me each and every day,
I look down at my scar, at the skin I cut so deep,
Wishing I had pushed down harder, leaving nothing left beneath,
I wish I didn't call, or text anyone to come help me,
I wish the inside of the shower, was the last thing that I'd see,
The better part of me, took control in that moment,
Helped me realize, that I wasn't the true opponent,
Instead it was my lifestyle, the things I chose to do,
Smoking, drinking, drugs, starving until I was blue,
Now this realization, doesn't stop the want or need,
But it did push me towards the help, I need to succeed.
The help will only be useful, if I really choose to invest,
If I'm willing to do the work, to finally past the test,
I'm the numbest that I've ever been,
When the moon is out, my mind continues to win,
I can't eat, sleep, or keep my mind in one place,
I'm sick of looking at a past I can't erase,
I'm not living in the past, I'm not living at all,
I'm traveling from daydream to daydream, hoping that I fall,
Hoping for a tragedy, or in my case a blessing,
To save me from a hell that I've made messy,
I'm sick of failing sick of succeeding,
Sick of wishing, wanting, and believing,
I'll jump through all their hoops, I'll complete every task,
But I just want it all to stop, is that too much to ask?
