This Fear...

My parents always told me there are more fish in the sea...
When will I find the one that is right for me...
Who will he be...
I thought I found him but he told me goodbye...
Made me cry...
Over what may never again be...
He told me he loved me but we should just be friends
When will this end...
This endless stream of men...
Is there one that is truly right for me...
A guy who is truly meant to be?...
A guy who shares my dreams...
Those endless, childish dreams...
Those crazy, unrealistic dreams...
Where happily ever after never ends...
Is there a guy out there who is different from all the others...
Who will love me unlike any other...
Maybe I will find him in the most unusual place...
Or maybe he is right in front of my face...
Will I forever burn from the hurt I have experienced for years?...
Will I always have these crazy, childish fears and this unrealistic hope...
Will I live my entire life alone...
Always staying at home...
For so long I have dreamed of Mr. Right, Mr. Perfect and Mr. One-and-Only...
But men always leave me lonely and scared...
Like there is no end to this fear...
This terrifying, burning fear...
Will I ever be anyone’s number one...
Will anyone truly want me for me...
And not because they are just bored with the 'usual' girls...
Will I ever find the guy all the girls want but can't find...
Do all guys cheat and tell lies...
Or do I just find all the wrong guys...
I've tried so many times...
To let this fear die and stop burning me inside...
But I can't seem to do it...
Is there always going to be this fear...
A guy I cared about left me alone...
Totally alone...
With no one to call my own...
No one to share my hopes, dreams, and fears with...
Some say he will come back to me...
Because we are meant to be...
Everyone says I will find my one and only...
Who will never leave me lonely but i can't shake this fear...
This defining, drowning fear
The fear that I hold inside...
Because of all the lies boys have told me...
Some times I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about Mr. Wonderful...
And all the love he will have for me...

By Dawn Manna…May 10, 2004

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