by Beautiful Soul
I didn't see any tech. errors :). In a long dark or sad poem word play is always key and imagery doesn't need to be in the front I feel. But using words that captivate the reader and pull them in. You have done well here. Shadows really work well here because you don't know how the shadows will do. They follow you yes but that can go many different way and you get the mind excited. They seem to be the shadows of your past or how you are feeling right now because of the mirror, you don't like what you see. I really love the second scene. Especially the hands. |
I like the ending where the metaphor is actually really funny to me I know that sounds horrible but it is it shows how futile some decisions are but the poem over all is very pretty :) I also like the part that you're trying to hold on and you're slipping a very nice climatic moment to be sure. some things are hard to do or say or whatever the case maybe I hope you find light soon or if I'm wrong good luck best wishes |
First off, I truly love the title. There are some titles that I don't perceive as being significant or moving, but this one shows the depth you're writing about. Such a solemn piece.... I like how you start off with the reference to Eve, as the story of her being tempted is one many can probably recognize. There's also a sadness to it because she was the first woman and gave in, just like we all have done, and because of that we feel hopeless and like we don't have strength or willpower. Like you fighting with the reflection in the mirror. |
Tending to |