I love it. Congrats.

I've read this a few times, this is no light read, but a complex one. I rarely read something this honest that I didn't feel comfortable at first about it, it was too raw even for me, until I understood that I shouldn't feel comfortable about it. this seems like something private that it is written for the poet's eyes only and reading it is like reading something I shouldn't. It has a dark appeal to it. It's like the poet is exposing their soul to us with all its power and vulnerability that can be seen in the last few stanzas.

Judging Comment:

I read and re-read this again and again. Each time
the picture became clearer and feel, behind each
line there is more pain and sadness which the writer
is dealing with. There are some stanzas in this
poem which stands out but the one that really got
me teary is this:

Every train wreck of a soul I created,
unintentionally, just by existing:
My twisted insides kicking and screaming.

To be honest, I've felt that many a times...
Finally, the ending of this poem, yearns the wanting
of a change, to be a better person and in the
process see a better life where life itself will be
appreciated. I feel the heaviness within this write
and wish the writer all the very best.

Judging comment:

I've read this about three times through now, and each time, I am greatly inspired. It's moving that you shared this, such a piece of self-reflection and self-love as well. I like how you structured this piece, how you revealed dark parts of you that you never wanted to become your whole life, and how your deepest desire is to move away from that. There is purity and grace in this piece, and I admire how you expressed emotion and how the reader can connect with this journey. How it's personal to you yet some parts speak to me as well, such as how "being unclean is easier" and "who I needed to be to allow the victims of my cruel love some peace and closure". I agree that it is often easy to fall into the waves of self-loathing because we feel we have done enough damage, it is easier to isolate than embrace. But that's not what we were created to do or to be... Loved the ending repetition of "pray"; it offers sincere hope, especially that you are asking for love to re-enter your heart, wanting to not become the demon or keep thinking when this change will ever come. Such depth in this. What moved me the most was how you crafted this poem with it being a poem of confession, like in the confessional with a priest. I think that is the hardest step to take because it is letting your heart speak, and it's digging into the past and trying to reconcile. Powerful write, Kakera! (10)

This was a bloody read once again...you give me chills... I am in awe.