These days they last forever,
I've become afraid of night.
The place i go to peril,
Where you used to be the light.

^ I like this as your introduction. It really shows what this person means to you and gives direction and tone to the piece. My only critique here is that you should capitalize "i" in the third line to match the style shown in the rest of the piece - it looks like it was just a typo but thought I should point it out anyway. By the way, the last line really stands out to me.

An hour may be nothing,
In the sandy glass of time.
But those minutes spent without you,
Last forever in my mind.

^ Nice transition between the previous stanza and this. I really like how you used this stanza to develop your voice and make it clear what your line of thinking is like. In fact, this is my favorite stanza in the entire piece.

How painful of the scars,
To not remember this before.
In an instant comes the feeling,
That brings my knees to meet the floor.

^ something is off about the first line of this stanza, it doesn't quite make sense and it disrupts your flow a little bit. Maybe try "How painful are the scars" or "the pain of the scars" maybe I am not conveying the same message in these attempts, but that line really needs to be tweaked a bit. Other than that I like the way you went about saying this.

If only I could see inside,
And wind what makes you tic.
Or take away the wall you've built,
With just a single brick.

^ Really I love the perspective of this stanza. It is amazing and it says a ton about this person and whatever sort of relationship you had with them without saying very much at all. There is a lot of love in these four lines and I really like how much of the emotion from the entire piece just sort of oozes out here.

Thou I can only blame myself,
For I know no other way.
Gave the reasons you should leave me,
But then begged for you to stay.

^ thou should be though, I think. I really like that now you are telling more of the story and ranting a little less about the way you feel or the effects of this event.

I'd truly give my life up,
For a night in love with you.
For to die with something beautiful,
Is all i wish to do.

^ the third line does not need the word for at the beginning it just distracts the reader from the piece for a moment. Other than that, great job on this conclusion.

All in all this piece needs a little work or rather reworking but it is a great idea and you have some rather unique idea. Nice write.

4/5