Waiting For Calls That Never Came

I wait by the phone
My head in my eyes
Tears trickl through my fingers
Hitting the loor unnoticed
Like my pain

I loved him
I say the words over and over again
Until they get loader and loader
And I scream them at the empty room
I throw a pillow against the wall

"He promised he'd call!"

I hear my dad's taunting words when he comes in and see my red eyes
See I told you he doesn't care
He begins to say

"You don't know him!"
I scream at him
And then I wonder if I even do

I tell myself it's gonna be okay
That we're gonna be okay
But when you want to live your life without me
And I can't talk you into staing beside me

When you would rather follow your dreams no
And lose me
Make me lose you
Then wait until we can go together
Then wait until we've seeled our love so nothing can tear us apart

I wonder if you read my poem
If you know how close we are to our full deporture
I close my eyes and try to breathe steadily
But nothing works

I wonder if you know what I found out
I wonder if you know what will fix it
I wonder if you care

I tel myself you love me
I tell myself he says he loves me
I scream out to the emptiness around me
"But I thought I was his wife!"
So why not wait
When it's for me
Why not call me to talk it out

Why let me sit through the whole weekend alone
Struggling between hope and suicide
Until I make a decision I hope you never see