I can't talk to nobody

I can't talk to nobody,
I feel like nobody understands,
So I pick up some paper and grab me a pen.
You see me smile, but if you only knew
The things that I hold on to,
And just can't seem to let go.
I know I must forgive and I said that I do,
But I don't really think that I actually do.
Forgive my mums ex or my mum
For the pain he put me through as a young girl
I spoke up, no one listened.
So it continued on and I just didn't mention it,
The things that went on in the middle of the night when he was drunk and off his head
It happened before so maybe it's all right.
At the age 10 and 11 and 12
Over and over and over again.
She never caught him, always thought I was lying, got engaged to him, nothing changed.
He kept on doing it to me. Only when he was drunk and off his head
I'm never going to get over it. I
I think about it every night before I go to bed
Have trouble sleeping at night.
I used to sleep with a knife now I sleep with a razor blade tucked into my bed
I know the only way to get over it,
Is to open up and speak,
But when I spoke when I was younger,
No one heard me.
So you tell me, what the hell do i do?
When that voice in my head keeps saying,
You wasting your time no one cares about you.
I can't shake that, I've believed that my whole life.
I'm just glad that God gave me a pen, paper, and the ability to write.
Cause when I feel like no hears me,
I just write.