I'm losing it.
Slowly but surely
The wall I have so carefully built around myself
Is breaking down.
Ever since that night
Repressed feelings have been surfacing,
Bubbling like molten lava
Preparing to burst through the dormant volcano that is my heart.
My hatred for you has returned with such a vengeance
That I am afraid of myself.
I hate you.
For ignoring me.
For confiding in another girl.
For lying about your feelings.
For lying about knowing her feelings.
For the way you talked.
For always choosing something over me.
For cheating.
For your ignorance
And your lies.
And most of all I hate you for not realizing what you had until you were gone.
What a typical boy.
What a typical situation.
Well, I'm not typical.
You knew that.
You knew that I was different,
What I'd been through.
That I am strong but it's all a show to cover my scars and my weaknesses.
You knew that I am fragile.
That I love whole-heartedly
And deeply
And passionately
And all I want to do is give.
You ruined that.
You ruined me.
I don't know how to trust
Or believe.
I only know how to be a skeptic.
Thanks to you,
My heart is hardened.
It's all coming out now.
The hurt the hate -
I'm breaking to show that I'm broken.
And no one can fix me.
Because I don't believe them.
I don't trust them.
I see the good in them that might be there -
Or maybe not.
I'm just delusional;
I think I see a light,
But it's just my hopeless ways.
I wish I could love again,
But I think I've reached the end of those days.
