Comments : Coffee for One

  • 10 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Surrounded by noise
    I sit in peaceful contemplation,
    coffee cooling in the chipped
    and faded mug before me.
    My mind cuts out.

    ^ I really like the way you started this piece with a vivid scene that also describes the way you feel. The final line of this stanza is excellent. It really summed up the theme and hinted at the emotions coming up in the next stanza.

    Picking at the crumbs of life which
    lie upon the miss matched plate
    my fingers try to grasp the truth,
    as once white tablecloth
    now yellowed with time and sticky stains
    tickles my knees.

    ^ i think the fourth line should read "as (the) once white tablecloth" other than that I really like this stanza, it's unique and creative, it's wonderful and well written. The last two lines made me smile a bit, even though they felt slightly somber.

    Another lonely coffee
    in another jaded cafe
    jam packed with too many
    sweet memories.

    ^ Beautiful conclusion. I like how you tried to balance the bitter sadness and pain with good/sweet memories.I also really enjoy your coffee shop analogy for life You took something so many people write about and understand and gave it a beautiful twist

    5/5 phenomenal write, excellent imagery.