Time Capsule

First of all what a beautiful line to focus your poem around - it is very true a relationship is always about time and effort - In the relationship itself people are always counting the months and years as well as decades they have been with their partner for - time is the essence of what we live by

Frustration was his comb
as he smoothed his hair
back with calloused fingers;
^^
Amazing imagery is developed here! A vivid image is composed in the readers mind of this middle to old aged working man staring at his reflection in the mirror as he brushes his hair - I like how you personalised the feelings of the comb with frustration and the adjectives of the mans calloused hands as it builds on this characters appearance- bringing him to life in the readers mind!

he perched on the edge of
the bed, harvesting
emotions one by one.
^^
Now I can see this man sitting on the edge of his bed his face carrying his face as he contemplates on his life, his achievements and regrets and the emotions reflected upon each like a recorded diary entry of his past etched across each endlessly captured memory.

All that he envisioned
was a burgundy mane
splayed across his chest,
tangled silhouettes and
the craving for more
time as it continued
to expire.
^^
Life goes by so fast that we always take it for granted before you know it a year as gone by and you sit and think to yourself where did all that time go? The same goes for experiences in your life where you life time could of been kinder to you and would have let you use it more genuinely. A bitter part of regret where you wish time could be paused or stopped so you can use it up effectively.

At that moment, he knew
that he was held hostage
deep within the walls of
a time capsule labeled love.
^^
A very powerful ending Hannah I love the last line!
Beautiful imagery is painted here!

5/5

My first thought after reading this was "awwwww!" because I've never considered about how men feel when they fall in love!

Frustration was his comb
as he smoothed his hair
back with calloused fingers;
he perched on the edge of
the bed, harvesting
emotions one by one.
^
very beautiful Hannah I like how you gave so many details about the "man" in this poem that I can almost see him standing next to me (joking), but I can almost see that image in my head and it's just beautiful I love how he isn't that girly how he can pick up a shovel and start making holes in the ground, basically be a man that works hard in whatever labor he works as but in my mind it's a man from the country working the simple life which is beautiful mind you very nice!

All that he envisioned
was a burgundy mane
splayed across his chest,
tangled silhouettes and
the craving for more
time as it continued
to expire.
^
hehehehe so he wanted a red head nice, this stanza shows that he knows what he wanted and dreamed of and his fantasy apparently is a woman with red hair to lay at night on his chest to cuddle with him actually that doesn't sound half bad to just lay in each other's arms and sleep and wake up next to the person you love is truly beautiful but this stanza doesn't feel like that it feels like the person whom he loves is nearly dying or he's thinking of life as being a timer going out with every breath and he wants to make the best of it

At that moment, he knew
that he was held hostage
deep within the walls of
a time capsule labeled love.
^
Beautiful ending to a beautiful poem, I want someone to fall madly in love with me like you portrayed this "man" in this poem he may or may not live but this is a beautiful poem and at least he knows it's precious and he's not fighting it but hostage isn't always a bad thing

Overall: I'm amazed how you took into consideration about the vision of falling in love from a male's point of view truly unique and truly stunning! 5/5

-Mori

Omg!!

I want to nominate this and I want it to WIN! The descriptive metaphors you used here are captivating. You really did excel in describing how feeling in love feels like. Its a new concept and a new perspective but it feels so true.

Amazing Hannah.
xxx