Comments : First Pleasures

  • 10 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Between the darkness and the light
    when restless thoughts run through your head.
    The inner voice, once pure and sweet
    now sings of honeyed, wicked love.

    What an artistically use of vocabulary. I loved the words you used here, they are really well placed in there. The beauty is shown throughout it but the darkness of wicked love is seeping it, your entwined it so well together here.

    The fantasies that spring to mind,
    leave blazing trails you can't ignore.
    And though your heart tries as it might
    Your innocence lies slaughtered now.

    I can see a fantasy of hope and beauty, it cannot be ignored the excitement within but deep down it is nothing but harm. It corrodes your innocence but now it is too late to escape, and as you have stated the innocence has been slaughtered.

    The final barrier is breached
    as wayward fingers dance along
    paths never yet which have been trod.
    The damage done, heaven released.

    Love the sentence, wayward fingers dance along. So vivid imagery there. You have a way with putting together a strong and artistic form of poetry here. Loved the metaphors throughout this piece and the yin-yang aspect of good and wicked.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    As I've said, time and again, your use of vocabulary and the ease at which such wonderful imagery seemingly comes to your work is graceful, to say the least.