"life long" should be "lifelong" I believe?

"But she came and took the pain away"

- The verbs sound weak here. If you wanted to keep "came" but use something more powerful for "took the pain away".

"I'm living in my shadows shadow
Living in my creations hallow"

- "shadows" should be "shadow's" since its possessive.
- Same with "creations". The use of "hallow" is neat here. Like you are living in the better version of yourself, the "holy" part of it?

I like the simplicity of the closing lines and how they almost give an ominous feel? Maybe that's just me though. "Shadow of my shadow", like you cannot rid yourself of this person because they have immersed himself/herself in you. I know you said earlier in the poem you were running, you never wanted this, almost like you could not take control and be the dominant force in leading your own life. This person mitigated some of the pain perhaps, but does that make you dependent on him/her? Or is it more philosophical like the the parts of you that you feel powerless to, emotions vs. thoughts? The title then makes me think you are constantly battling reality and possibly how to stay true to yourself.

You have deja vu all the time right?
My interpretation of the poem is this.
Struggling with deja vu, a million thoughts inside your head. Can be hard. A million scenes playing out before you. Can be hard. Reliving the present without a say in what you do, or if you do, the "right" thing is always questionable in such a way that you don't know if you're up to fulfilling your own fate. If you try, you seem to "lose" and restart... if you don't try, it feels like you're trying harder than ever and to no progress. What you need is a solution. You are naturally a good person, but you have deja vu so you see yourself as flawed. You start to wander your mind for a solution but as you do, something different starts to take over. Its not quite auto pilot, because you can hear it thinking. The deception of it all is that of you hearing your own voice. The truth of it all is that you can choose to turn it off. It convinces you at first of being a better you. Eventually you seem to be getting better while in your own mind you feel trapped by the disagreement for control. One part of you the way you were. One part the way you will be. Slowly the two combine and the idea of seperation seems like a tragic loss of time. So you never make up your mind on the idea and the memories start to fade.
If this is the case then I have a solution for you.
A subconscious map set in words to consciously set apart embedded in your personality from your life style. Hidden in books and phrases that srike you in such a way you cant help but circle them in your mind. An idea will start to form and if given some thought... can become the first thought of a new persona hand picked by the combination of your subconscious and attention.
There is but one rule.
You can not combine thoughts with reality.
What you see and what you hear is not your own.
It has no subtext.
No design.
If you want to know what it's like to believe in what you believe, you have to course yourself away from such a picture no matter how appealing it may be.
For one week try to picture yourself as a result of one thought. Not a weeks worth of thoughts, not a month or year. Not a lifetime, but just one single thought.
Take time to figure out what that thought is.
Your shadows shadow will become tired of trying to figure this out because it will not know. Look at what makes you tick and find it out.
If you are no longer in this phase of life, simply become disinterested in this comment and pay attention to what you know.
Otherwise... idk.
Just kinda started writing and sort of continued.
Posting because I can.
Helping because I must.
Figuring out what I will.