Ghosts of yesterday(mist and rain, the reality)

by Dancing Rivers   Sep 23, 2014


Silent tears were cried
By the ghosts of yesterday
For once they had all died
No one was left to pray
For all their cruel misdeeds
Now they sit and mourn
Everyday they sow their seeds
In the eyes of the unborn
And rain down their cruel vengeance
In the tears that Jehovah cries
If ever their hearts perchance
Melted into the goodness of the skies
Their souls would be naught more
Than soft mists before your eyes
Telling all their stories afore
Up to heavens gates they rise

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Not sure how I missed this one. Beautifully written, Hazel.

  • 10 years ago

    by Kakera

    Elegance - that truly is the right word for this poem.

    The only criticisms I have to give regarding it are indeed stuff that POTP has already mentioned: the capitalization of each beginning word per line feels strange, and the lack of punctuation throws you off a bit. The first line I also agree feels a bit awkwardly phrased.

    And... That's that. Nothing else. The poem is incredibly powerful, and truly elegantly written.

    Otherwise, welcome to P&Q - I hope you'll find a sense of belonging in our wonderful community!

    • 10 years ago

      by Dancing Rivers

      Thank you so much :-) and yes,I do already feel as though I've found my true home here at p&q I've never felt so happy and welcome anywhere before so thank you to you and everyone else who has welcomed me with open arms, and thank you for the wonderful comments and the constructive criticism,I will bare this in mind when I write another poem :-P

  • 10 years ago

    by ryan woollard

    This poem is such a great one just the way you put it all is just beautiful

    • 10 years ago

      by Dancing Rivers

      Thank you :-) can I tell you a funny thing about it..? The poem is about rain and mist :-P

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    The first line of "were cried" seems a bit awkward and too wordy. Maybe you could change the verb to be more active? Or say ... cried.

    A suggestion would be to not capitalize the beginning word of each line if you are simply continuing that thought? I think having this poem all in one stanza works, but adding some punctuation might help ease of read a bit.

    I do agree with Andrea that there is this elegance in your poetry. This is a contemplative piece and there is some mystery in it; makes me think of how we trust each other, what we do with our tears, if we live with a mist over our eyes. Not quite sure of the direct message though.

    Also, should the last line read, "heaven's gates"?

    Keep writing, and welcome to PnQ by the way!

    • 10 years ago

      by Dancing Rivers

      Thank you guys so much,I really appreciate the feedback, also, we might go through this a few times so I'm just mentioning that the format and capitulation of the words is due to my phones predictive text :-) but thank you so much, also, I'm wondering if I should destroy the mystery and tell you the true meaning, or inspiration rather, for the poem....and thank you for the welcome,I feel as th
      ough I've finally found someplace I can be at peace, right here at p&q :-)

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Breathtaking...... I'm truly loving the elegance of your poetry....

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