Comments : Disappearing Shadow

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    Title: This does play well overall. As it could be interpreted in many ways.

    First: The way you wrote this stanza, it seems like you had a good and you are trying to hold onto it as much as you can. There is a lot of loneliness here though. That's the sense I get. You had this best friend or love and now you want everything to go back to the way it was, when there was a happier time in your life.

    Second: I love the double view point in this poem and stanza. You are still suffering or hurt by the past "you" and there is nothing you can do about it now. Memories can be a fickle thing. They can comfort you, yes but also they can do more harm than good.

    Third: You know the outcome that will be happening and your inner self does not. But there is nothing you can do about it. This a well written stanza because you are stuck in between two feelings, the hate you have for this person now and the love of the memories you used to have. Through your eyes there is a lot of quiet emotions that have been building over the years, but she doesn't know anything yet, which is why I loved how you used naive at the start.

    Fourth: Here is my suggestion, I don't love the word shadow twice here. The first shadow could be replaced with any positive emotion, as in ligyt , happiness... to me that would give the poem more ambience. But I do love the message here, when this person left they left a void in your heart that is irreplaceable.

    Ending- This person can rescue you but they are also the cause of your hurt, ugh! This poem is excellent with the double view point and writing as the wording flows smoothly. There is no stray from the story and that is well done. 5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Forgive my lack of any decent comment, but I'm just too emotional to right anything half decent, except that this poem, it's heart wrenchingly beautiful.