Comments : Elemental

  • 10 years ago

    by ddavidd

    This too

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Your lines here are so elegant, and I love the gentleness of this nature poem. My only suggestion would be to not capitalize the start of each line if you are just continuing the thought, such as in the sixth line in your first stanza. But that's up to you as the writer.

    I don't think you need "sweet" as an adjective in the first two stanzas, since in the last two stanzas you repeat "sweet, sweet elemental breeze"...it it could be a bit much? Not sure though.

    I really like how in the last line you write simply but profoundly, that the other elements are not what you adore. Sure, you acknowledge and may even appreciate them, but it's like they have their flaws. Too hard, too cool, too passionate, but this wind? This wind is always sweet to you.

    Beautifully worded, thanks for sharing!