Whispers in the night

Oh... very deep poetry. The value of your heartaches's been revealed through such miserable words. Nice flow of ink.

My fav. line: "I'm trying to stay awake but the pain is getting stronger... "

Very beautiful words you use to your stuffs. I'd be looking forward to reading the excellence of your poetry work!

I used what i could.. it was a little confusing but i did it without being too confuzzled. lol thanks:)

Really touching and chilling poem, the darkness truly prevails in your words, the imagery is amazing, may I make a few suggestions if you don't mind?
suggestions and grammatical corrections are in brackets :-)

Line 3: "I fight...(cannot or can't) have"
Line 4: "shattered heart(-) breaking even more (.)
Line 5: "(My)
Line 6: "...(breath)(-) but....
Line 7: "(I'm)...made (-)
Line 8: "beautiful (in)...ways (-) but dark and (dreadful)....
Line 9: "(devil's)
Line 10: " (I)
Line 11: "I'm)....awake (-) but..stronger (-)
Line 12: "tempted (-) oh so tempted(,)
Line 13: "...flow away (-) with...

Of course you don't have to use my suggestions, but thought they'd help a little :-)