Comments : Whispers in the night

  • 10 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Really touching and chilling poem, the darkness truly prevails in your words, the imagery is amazing, may I make a few suggestions if you don't mind?
    suggestions and grammatical corrections are in brackets :-)

    Line 3: "I fight...(cannot or can't) have"
    Line 4: "shattered heart(-) breaking even more (.)
    Line 5: "(My)
    Line 6: "...(breath)(-) but....
    Line 7: "(I'm)...made (-)
    Line 8: "beautiful (in)...ways (-) but dark and (dreadful)....
    Line 9: "(devil's)
    Line 10: " (I)
    Line 11: "I'm)....awake (-) but..stronger (-)
    Line 12: "tempted (-) oh so tempted(,)
    Line 13: "...flow away (-) with...

    Of course you don't have to use my suggestions, but thought they'd help a little :-)

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Tragedy

    I used what i could.. it was a little confusing but i did it without being too confuzzled. lol thanks:)

  • 9 years ago

    by Valentino

    Oh... very deep poetry. The value of your heartaches's been revealed through such miserable words. Nice flow of ink.

    My fav. line: "I'm trying to stay awake but the pain is getting stronger... "

    Very beautiful words you use to your stuffs. I'd be looking forward to reading the excellence of your poetry work!