When I look at you
I see happiness and joy
And I can barely contain my jealousy
All I want is to be happy
So I can love you the way you deserve
But the way you look at me
When I am at a low point
I do not envy
Because it shatters my heart
I see that you deep down
Can't love the shuddering heap crying on the floor
You try so hard to make me whole
I wonder if its because
You know that while I am broken
Our relationship will suffer
Its scares me that maybe
I may be driving you away
That you're trying so hard to fix me
That we aren't maintaining our connection
Or maybe I'm just opening up too much
That its got to a point
That you don't understand
So you don't know how to deal with me
I just worry that you can't love me
That my illnesses have become too big
Too much of me
That you can no longer love all of me
I just feel hurt that you
Promised me that you loved me so much
That you would always be there
But now its changed
You don't even care enough to write
I write you letters
But you don't reply
Because you don't have the words
I just am unsure of this relationship
I love you but I don't know
Can you say that you still love me
The same amount as you did four months ago
Because it doesn't show.
