Comments : Vanity Mirror Speaking

  • 10 years ago

    by Fenix Flight

    Oh wow this is really good. I like it! :-D

  • 10 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    Just one thing I noticed before writing a comment is this could also be a shape poem as it looks like a mirror outline to me :)

    Dear Me
    ^^
    Just like the poem 'Dear Gothic Mom' This poem is a letter to yourself - maybe a reflection of your self written from your view through the mirror or vise verser - So far I can tell that you like writing in a way that it is sent to another (like in the form of a letter) I used to write like that when asked to reflect my thoughts I made up a person named Sandra and would write in every entry the pain I felt that day - it just feels like someone is listening and here it could be your conscience talking to your subconscious through the concavement of the mirrors reflection.

    When you stare in the mirror
    Why do you see an evil ogre?
    ^^
    I like this use of a question it carries humour as well as a rhetorical question that reaches the readers - it also expresses the persons self opinion.

    You have chubby cheeks that's all
    ^^
    Add a comma after cheeks and a full stop after all.
    So far I find that you are using the mirror as a camera lens taking a photo then showing the reader the playback whilst simultaneously analysing your personal thoughts and detailing them with in depth personal descriptions.

    Beautiful eyes though void of emotion
    ^^
    Add a comma after eyes and a full stop after emotion.
    Wow - eyes void of emotion - great imagery here so powerful and deep.

    You're too cautious and never give
    anything away freely
    ^^
    You not only describe the outward appearance of your self here but the inner appearance - the personality beyond the flesh - someone so held back and secretive - I can relate to this - only trusting certain people enough to let them in.

    Your trusting abilities need work but that's
    natural
    You did lose the one you loved a year ago
    ^^
    Here you introduce why the person acts the way they do and provide us with a background understanding on what is effecting this person - it really allows the reader to piece the puzzle together and gain more understanding of the person and who they are - very effective!

    What?
    You don't see that you're beautiful
    ^^
    Beautifully worded question followed by a short statement - people usually dont see the beauty but the flaws - you should listen to the song 'perfectly flawed' by Otep (amazing song) It pretty much tells us that we are all beautiful with our flaws as they make us unique and they make us who we are!

    Funny because I don't see it either
    Yours till eternity
    The Voice inside your head
    ^^
    I like how you finished the letter written by the voice inside your head that beautifully finished such a great piece.

    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    I really liked this. The emotion in it is real and the piece itself is flawless. I like how you write it as a letter to yourself because it's like you're speaking your mind in your mind if that makes sense.
    Powerful, beautifully written piece.

    Em