Comments : Dear Gothic Mom

  • 10 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    I like your choice of title - dear Gothic Mom - very unique it invites the reader into your personal letter. Personally, I was drawn in by it - when you wrote down the title I immediately thought it would be a very interesting poem to read!

    Midnight soul why so down?
    ^^
    I like how you began your poem with a rhetorical question - it makes the reader wonder why the Gothic mother is sad - wanting to read more so they can find out.
    Add a comma after soul - gives the reader that little pause between the words of the question and it brings about emphasis.

    Your Gothic hair looks fine
    ^^
    Just using the words your gothic hair brings about a pictorial gallery of images - such simple wording yet based on the readers experiences with gothic society can relate to the styling of hair this person has - beautifully worded!

    You're not dead, yet so smile,
    ^^
    The comma would be better placed after yet instead of dead.
    This line reminds me of the song 'mama' by my chemical romance - 'mama we're all gonna die' random I know but there is my personal linkage.

    I know it's hard to loose twice
    Daughter and wife
    ^^
    Love the rhyming scheme between these two lines - flows very well and you have painted a fine scenery of emotions - something that all of us have experienced the essence of loss.

    But hear me out
    You WILL survive, stand tall
    ^^
    The capitalisation of will - a great way to highlight its importance and the message here is of pure hope and encouragement - something so beautiful amongst the depressing atmosphere loss creates!

    As you will one day see someone fall
    And that person will be the one
    who took
    The owners of your heart
    ^^
    These last four lines are so powerful and endearing!
    Here you are outlining the truths of life that everyone has their time on this earth and it is realistic to understand that no one lives forever.
    The last line touched me the most - The owners of your heart - such a powerful and impacting statement!!!

    Thankyou for sharing such talent!

    5/5

  • 10 years ago

    by CuteThingsGoneWrong

    This is a really odd poem in my opinion. The wording is just really strange and unusual... The ending has a bit of hope to it which is good. I alwyas loved a really good sad poem, though i couldnt get that connection i usually can with poetry.

    Thank you :D