Dejected Soul!

Very powerful words and a lot of people will be able to reach out to this poem as loneliness is unfortunately a very widespread thing. It gripped me and left me wanting to read more so well done

You have brought out the hopelessness of a lonely soul
which is lost in an abyss! I also noticed that you have used four important key words that starts with the letter "D"
for instance: dejected, distressed, desperate and death.

Those 4 words are always associated with a lonely soul and those words when included in this poem, highlights the extent to which the person's whole being is thrown into darkness.

This write really brings out the pain..nicely penned.
Take care.

Your first four lines,
nice if u dejected, and living alone how will you u live, sometime time is difficult but dear be strong all will change in life casually.

nice poem

A thousand thanks to both of you James and Crystal for your lovely comments.....
Actually while submitting the poem i did'nt expect even a single vote as i thought i have written such a worst piece which no will like....:D but thanks to Crystal for your precious vote!!:)

I absolutely adored this poem on so many levels, this was actually the one I voted for! I am very big on astronomy so this immediately caught my attention.

"Have you ever been in your life
so lonely,
like the dejected star
gasping far from its own galaxy,"

The word usage here is out of this world, pun completely intended. It sets an accurate mood for the entire piece. The comparison of lonliness to that of a star feeling alone within it's own galaxy is brilliant. But I do feel like this is a question so I would like to see a question mark behind galaxy. I do have to admit that I can of stumbled on the first line a bit, I would suggest writing it "Have you ever in your life been" because it flows into the next line much smoother (:

"So distress
that even the cheerful song
of mockingbird seems a death lament,
so desperate
that it seems like drowning,
in a riptide by your own thoughts."

The usage of the prompts here, mockingbird and riptide, are incorporated very well into the poem. You are describing the feeling of lonliness in such powerful ways, where things lose their beauty and you are suffocated by the feeling of drowning in your own thoughts. Amazing emotion thrown in here. I also love the repetitive use of "so" here also (: I think "distress" should be changed to a past tense because you are asking if someone ever has been, and not if they are.

"Here, where your mind
plays with the suffocating
feelings of death--
death before prime.
It is more than a feeling
of just anguish and despondency"

In this, it is revealed to the reader that this person is perhaps younger because of the use "prime". It reminds me of the phrase "cut down in their prime" which also refers to death, as it does in this instance. Great play on words here. I love how you go further to express that this feeling is greater than that of anguish and despondency- it is something much stronger and deeper. This is really powerful.

"I crumbled down under its pressure
and my barren soul
is completely left fervourless."

Here the reader sees the breakdown of this person, where they have finally reached their limits. You use another prompt here under it's pressure, and wonderfully. You also reference the emptiness, this growing void, again with the word barren. The last line is a little awkward to me though. It would make a bit more sense if it were written something like "is left completely fervourless". It gives more of a buildup to that ending word and draws on its intensity.

I really enjoyed reading this and feel with some minor tweaking, it could be THAT much better. I will be favoriting this! <3