Comments : Dream To Lead The Pack

  • 10 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    Thankyou Justin for participating in this challenge.

    Frost bitten trees dressed in white,
    Chinook gusts squall and whine within the witching hour.
    Thick timber enclosing surrounding life,
    like a needle in a haystack these wild things run invisibly throughout the night.
    ^^
    You have done really well in illustrating the scenery here Justin, very effective. I love how your first line is a metaphor which is very descriptive - You introduce the wolves of the pack well here also as wild things and use a simile very effectively in the same line - awesome work my friend!

    Snow crystals dance in sync
    wafting, whiffing, and fluttering down from the clouds,
    natures beauty awe this Canadian Arctic pack.
    Camouflaged in this primal forest,
    blending in the snow, new life has awoke.
    ^
    I like the way you incorporated onomatopoeia in the second line - reinforcing the swift and soft nature of the clouds. You have made this poem come to life in the readers mind as the choice of words you have used are very impactful and powerful - I can feel the icy nature of the snow and can see it so vividly as I read on.

    Native to this land long before man,
    whimpering, yipping, and yowling
    an outcry to discover what the ancient alphas learned;
    Gazing at the coal slated sky sighting their lunar mom.
    Brothers and sisters of the old moon mother Selene,
    howling bone chilling lullabies for her
    dreaming of journeys just out of reach.
    ^
    Beautiful linkage to history, outlining information about wolves and and the formations as well as family natures they abide by.

    Formidable mounds conquered at their feet,
    adventures ensue as a 'night of the hunter'
    roaming heavy brush,
    breaking hearts, ripping prey apart
    strong and majestic, leader of their pack.
    Champion of nature's terrene,
    spirituality connected with the history of the land.
    ^^
    Here you highlight the predator aspect of wolves, a true writer digs deep into the mind of their subjects or character - here you have displayed this excellently! You really describe their true nature so the reader can see it so clearly.

    But these little 'nuit du chasseurs' will have to wait to explore,
    to conquer their quest.
    As these wolves are just pups snuggling against each other and their mother's breast.
    They sleep deep daydreaming of their day, when they'll shine with respect among the other packs.
    ^
    I like how you utilised another language in your poem - it is definitely unique!

    Thankyou for sharing a masterpiece of imagery!

    5/5