Rayne lockyer

My name is Elena Williams
I'm considered 18 years "young"
I'm flawed, and i see it everyday
I'm inconvenient and hideous
vulgar and a pain in the ass.
i am the exact opposite of what people expect of me

a lot of people think I'm deaf, or stupid?
sorry, it's always just so loud
i can't even hear myself think
over all these chaotic screams
not even over dismantled sentences
i can't make any sense of anything
i can't make sense of my cries anymore
i can't make sense of ..?
it's so insanely LOUD!
the worst part about this is..
i haven't heard an audible sound in the past few months..

there's something wrong with me.
there's no point trying to sleep
because i know I'll wake up in an hour, or two
from insane, iniquitous
angry thoughts
culminating in what we call "dreams"

sleep use to be my only source of a peaceful escape
now even that is tainted,
tainted by my own angry mind..

is there anyone out there?
who is like me,
still awake
falling apart
staring at the wall
trying to hold your self together?

this pain is so unbearable