Comments : The Vixen

  • 10 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is interesting in a few different ways, I'll get to those points as I go on. The topic itself is one that is written about quite often, an abusive relationship. In this case, it is both physical and sexual. I guess you could include emotional as well due to the circumstances. They all usually play hand in hand.

    At first, I didn't think the title fit the poem itself. But vixen does mean an ill-tempered or quarrelsome woman...so I guess it does. She is upset, fighting for her life, so to say.

    The point of view is a little off to me in the first stanza. You have the woman talking, saying it can be heard from next door. So that indicates a POV change, like someone is listening in to what is happening next door. Yet the rest of the poem is first person. So, it gets a little confusing for the reader on who is actually "telling" the story.

    The woman pleads with this man to stop, to let her go, that he is hurting her and it isn't as fun as it was, not anymore. No matter the circumstances, when a woman tells a man no, or vice versa... the deed needs to stop immediately. It is no longer consensual and is considered rape.

    He has her pinned down, enjoying the fear that is splayed across her face. Of course, she is crying and screaming, praying as hard as she can.

    What also confused me is now, you state that the neighbors aren't home when you stated in the stanza above that it could be heard from next door?

    He places ropes around her wrists and legs so that she cannot escape. He then rips off her clothes, violating her in a way that will cause her to never feel comfortable with her own body again. She will forever remember this moment and it will scar her for life.

    He treats her like a doll for a period of time and then leaves her be. She finally breaks, knowing that he has won and there is absolutely nothing she could do to change that.

    I don't understand the part where he puts the knife next to her so that she can save herself? Maybe it is some sick kind of game he has in mind, saying the she should just go ahead and kill herself? But in return, that leaves him open and vulnerable because she now has a weapon. She realizes this, plotting against him now, trying to literally save herself from this monster... knowing that to get out alive, she must kill him before he kills her.

    I do have a few suggestions:

    I would review your punctuation and grammar as some feel a little awkward. Also, I wouldn't capitalize the first word of each line, it throws the reader off in my opinion. Write in sentences, stopping when needed with a period or a comma... only needing to capitalize if it is the beginning of the sentence.

    And I would review those POV sections. Just a few suggestions.

    Overall, I really liked this piece, although it is disturbing, I know that this scenario happens often throughout the world. It's sickening to even think about.

    Keep writing!