Ramblings of a Crazy Lady

Face in the mirror
Out of focus, unclear
Counting every tear
Awakening devastating fear
I am no longer here
At the moment when I realize
Those are not my brown eyes
Those are not my lips of lies
This must be a disguise
Feeling the tears as she cries

Barely knowing its my reflection
Brain receiving wrong information
As reality loses connection
Blank stare, no expression
Watching her lose to her emotion
Legs on my body that aren't mine
Get her out of me and I'll be fine
Somewhere along my spine
There's a severed line
Body disconnects from my mind

Calling me by my name
Deep inside I feel shame
For I'm the one to blame
When my name I can't claim
Becoming a shell, a frame
On the surface of my skin
You touch me again and again
She's the one inside who will always win
Leaving my soul frozen
Releasing the darkest sin

She steals away my identity
Flies me to a land of insanity
Where pain reigns infinitely
Using my body for her personality
Shutting me out of the intensity
Hearing my thoughts being said
In her voice foreign to my head
She speaks through my lips instead
Taking me over shred by shred
By her I am blindly led

Save me from the demon inside
Save me from the one never satisfied
Evil spirits coaxing me to go for a ride
Promising me a place to hide
All I have to do is commit suicide
I am twenty four chronologically
She is five years old emotionally
The demons he made me drink desperately
Tore open my soul savagely
As I surrendered unconsenually
The heart is my only possession
Beating through her idolization
Beating through her devaluation
Effortlessly she captures a new obsession
Yet my heart sings all through her rotation

This is my face in the mirror
Her and I are split by a border that's unclear
Marked by a line that seems to disappear
She scares me just to feed on my fear
PTSD and Samantha Dee shed a tear
Promising myself I'll always be here
Inside we suffer in our soul that cries
Elaborately hidden behind our disguise
Listen as I tell the truth behind these lies
Samantha Dee is alone behind my brown eyes
Is the pain worth the sacrifice?