Angel Daughter

I love this - a thoroughly endearing read, and truly powerful. I like the rhyme scheme. I think people too often these days stay clear of it because they are scared of it and it seems like it's almost looked down upon. I wonder what Shakespeare, Wordsworth, Blake, Hardy etc etc would say to those people, lol. When the rhyme scheme is well employed it is still and always will be a pleasure to read in my opinion. Great write.

A heart warming read this was. Daughters are truly angels and this one shows how this little girl has transformed you into a mother. Without one there is not another...likewise a child makes a mother to be her best!

I enjoyed the read and also felt that this poem will sound even better without rhymes in certain stanzas. But all in all it was nice...keep penning.

In my opinion, the rhyme is a bit forced here. Completely up to you but my suggestion is to write in free verse or see what works for this poem at least, to loosen up and let your voice speak.

"One day God got on bended knee,"

- You can take out "passive" verbs that don't add to the poem and simply say "God, on bended knee"

"Said that it was way past time of her being free"

- Again, feel this is too much of a mouthful. Maybe use direct quotes so you are not using past tense.

"Years passed and all I was, was a housewife,
Waiting and waiting to finally have a midwife,
Before I rotted of being old and joined the afterlife
Till finally you were welcomed into my life,"

- There is not a strong rhyming scheme here. Wife/wife/life/life does not add to the poem. "Before I rotted of being old" does not make much sense to me... maybe you could say, "rotted, aging with time"

"My little daughter you were my troll
And for that you always got on Christmas coal,"

- I see you are writing with care and affection, but these two lines seem a bit out of place for the actual poem and tone you are using.

"Here's my surprise:
God gave me you and I'll never be able to downsize
The love that I got I will always memorize
With every moonrise"

- This is a beautiful and heartfelt message, reminds me of the song "God Gave me you", but the ending does not seem natural, almost forced, stopping too sudden.

Biggest suggestion in this piece is to take out the rhyme as I believe it hinders the piece. Rhyme can be done very well but I don't think it works for this poem. I am not against rhyming by any means, usually I don't do it often because I know I can't do it well and it is hard to get the rhythm of it right as well.

Thanks for sharing.

U critiqued my rhymes. My words that flowed. Said u rarely wrote in rhymes too forced.
I am just emotional writer.
Sad to think a beautiful child was ur Troll only getting coal. I do see the link u were trying to tie that too .
But to me. That is a forced rhyme. But again. Im not trying to be a pro. Just my words come to me .
VCS

Awwwwwwwwwwwww oh my goodness that has such a story to tell, so powerful and meaningful and you can tell you wrote it from your heart, thank you for sharing this with us, I am glad you did, it is extremely powerful and an intense message!!!