Monster I Am

by Wednesday   Nov 17, 2014


When I feel, I feel everything,
Cut deep to the bone
Can't you hear me screaming?
Please don't leave me alone

Watch blood pour down my cheek
Let me show you the skin under every nail
Watch for evidence that I'm weak
Let me show you my personal Hell

Emotions and insanity are all I know,
Eating me inside and out
Stay too long and I won't let you go
Listen for the agony in my shout

Rivulets of tears drip off my chin,
From eyes that desperately plea,
Save my soul again and again
Always I fall into depressions vast sea

Don't you ever dare reject me
Don't you ever dare leave from my sight
Or else I will unleash the terror I can be
Or else against you I will fight

Won't you look into my eyes?
Won't you listen to the words I don't say?
As I mix the truth with the lies,
Together we pray I won't go crazy today

Unchain the five year old,
That steers the adult I seem to be
With a violent, strangling hold,
The five year old becomes me

When the world I see is strange,
And I don't believe I can
That's when you watch me change,
Into the devilish monster I am

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by La Reina De Corazones

    Earlier I commented on another poem and said I wanted a darker poem, this is to my liking I want the imagery to make me shiver, to wince, to feel scared for the person in a poem, basically I want to enjoy reading a dark poem. The flow to me was nice and although like Colm said in some places were patchy it was still interesting to read, awesome to imagine, and the emotions I got from this were stellar. Thank you for making this poem and welcome to the club 5/5

    -Mori

  • 9 years ago

    by Colm

    I think this is a good effort. Although some parts are a little patchy, the rhyme overall is good and flows well. I realise this is probably a venting poem and it is great for the reader to feel the tone in the poem, but if you were looking to edit, here are a few suggestions:

    'Emotions that hurt so bad'
    ^^
    This line is quite unpoetic: Sometimes I think the word 'so' should be banned in poetry! It is usually better to show rather than tell how something feels.

    I think the poem could benefit from some punctuation: commas at the end of some of the lines would help I think. E.g.

    Emotions that hurt so bad,
    Eating me inside and out -
    My emotions are all I've ever had,
    Listen for the agony in my shout

    Tears slip off my chin
    From eyes that plead,
    Help me again and again -
    You are the one I need.

    ^^
    Just experiment with it a little if you are interested, it might help.

    I think the ending is strong: it brings the poem together well and sums it up: the last stanza shows the reader the inner turmoil you are going through. In summary, on the positive side it is a poem full of emotion and duality which could be possibly improved with some thought and editing, despite not being the most original poem. Keep it up!

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