Unseen Sea

by sonya   Nov 17, 2014


We were alone in the depths of our minds. We payed no attention to the clock times because my eyes were on you and yours were on mine. A feeling so sensual, so sublime. I'd never I'd rekindle the thought, the wetness of pain, the severe drought. You're like a tornado in my thine eye. Gold simmers on our coast , seashells saying goodbye. We were once one, smiling in fear. A kiss on the neck, a bite of the ear. The feeling of knowing when something's wrong. The feeling so good, but so strong. We never met, but you stayed yet. I was just a girl on the internet who his behind your face as a mask. Giving up the lies were an awful task. You stayed, I lied, I screamed in a rage. You read the story of my life, just turn the page. You're gone now, I see. From a "we" to a "me". Drown me in a deep unseen sea.

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  • 9 years ago

    by Bonaventure Onuabuchi

    The emblence here sounds sad feelings, owing to the lost of an E-friend. I love the contradiction set in this lines "..... The wetness of pain, the severe drought. You are like a tornado...... Keep the pen alive my friend.

  • 9 years ago

    by Everlasting

    I can hear the beat! This piece may benefit with some editing. There were a few lines that made me pause. Some extra words got on the way of eyes. They felt like tiny rocks that hit me hard. I was about to cry, but then I found my way through the lines, and until then I started to feel the rhythm. The rhythm this piece has. I love that.

    Well done.

    Edit:
    Example of a line that I felt had extra words:

    "You're like a tornado in my thine eye."

    ^ my thine? Wouldn't it be either or those two? My or thine?

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