Comments : I Miss You...

  • 10 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Your uncle would be happy to see that you do in fact remember him as well as you do. He would also be so proud of you for becoming as beautiful a poetess as you are.

    So tell me,
    How have you been the past 4 years...
    How has life been for you?

    ^^ This is a great introduction, you point the piece directly to it's intended subject and yet you still relate it to the audience and make them wonder why you haven't had contact with them in 4 years and why they are so important now. I like this intro because it is simple and yet has a hook.

    Can you see my tears?
    Do you miss me as much as I miss you?
    I want to be in your arms again.

    ^^ This stanza just shows exactly how much he means to you and it's part of the grieving process that seems to last even after the cycle has long since ended. There are just certain things that truly last forever and when you care about someone as much as you care about this family member or about certain friends, it is truly evident in all your work.

    These tears roll down my cheeks often on days like today.
    I wish you were here.
    I miss you.

    ^^ The first line feels a little long, but for being such a personal piece I can't love this piece any less or say anything about that. You write and you write when you hurt and every artist, author, musician can understand that.

    I have nearly forgotten the sound of your voice.
    At times,
    I know you are near.

    ^^ I love this stanza, but it hits home for me in a different way. Especially today. No matter how many details fade, your love for your uncle will always be there. He knows that just as much as anyone.

    How is it way up there?
    Is it pretty?
    Do you have my room prepared for when I join you?

    ^^ I like this stanza, it made me laugh, just at how easily you could go from missing him to the bright side. How you could ask something so silly and every day like is my room ready yet? I don't know I just see so many scenes while thinking about this stanza. It seems so light and was a good contrast for this.

    I just have a few more things to say....
    Happy birthday and i miss you terribly....

    ^ STUNNING conclusion! You couldn't have said it any better.
    amazing piece.

    Zoei, I hope you're alright.

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Touching little poem, I like the openness of this poem and how you really just write from the heart and direct it to this person who has meant a lot to you but has sadly passed away. I especially was touched by the way you asked them if they had a room for you prepared in heaven, for when you join them. So sad, but it shows desperation to be back with this person.

    This poem is simple because it can be connected to any relationship being lost, so many will relate to this.