Final note

So sick of losing everyone that I love.
Man forget that, this time it's gonna be the other way around.
By the this time next week I could be dead and in the ground.
Terrified I'll go to hell for committing suicide so I'm asking God to please forgive me for my sins.
I had no other way out, this is a constant battle within myself and I just can't win.
I never wanted it to come down to this, I'm only 23 I'm way too young to die.
But what in the heck am I suppose to do when the pain I'm feeling never subsides.
It's not like I'll have too much longer living this way.
So what difference does it make to go ahead and end it today?
I've done serious damage to myself,  like the fact that a large part of my right arm is permanently numb.
Why in the heck did I ever pick up that first needle?,
I can't believe I was that damn dumb.
As I told you before, I don't even recognize the person I've become over the years.
Can't even look at myself in the mirror because I'm so ashamed and it'll just bring me to tears.
What did I ever do so wrong to deserve all this bs?
Sure I've made mistakes, but this shit never leaves my thoughts,  it's stuff I can't ever forget.
Why does the bit** that traumatized me for years get to walk around like everything's ok while I'm stuck suffering for the rest of my life?
Man, fuk, that's something I'll never be able to wrap my head around no matter how hard I try.
Haven't slept in days, so tired I'm sitting here nodding out and im not even high.
These nightmares haunt me in my sleep all the time and won't go away but I don't know why.
Don't have a single person to hold me close through the night.
Jenni, you have no idea how fukin sad and lonely I am,  and how much I just wanna break down and cry.
It's to the point that I can't stand it,  I can't even try to cope.
Guess its time to close my eyes for good and do my final shot of dope.